The Bonding Experience

I was of of those babies that never bonded with their mom after birth. No it wasn't me it was hepatitis, somehow my mom got hepatitis at my birth. It was never my fault, I was an embryo, fetus, baby..but I have and still do hear about how my mom had to be in the hospital for 5 months after I was born.
My auntie Helen, my mom's younger sister ,took a bus from South Boston to take care of me. I bonded with my Aunt, it is so strange to have that feeling, and how it still lingers on. I have always though it strange that we both have the same beauty mark under the same eye in the same spot. I have always found my self drawn to her eyes and that spot and wondered , could Aunt Helen be my mother. I held on to this thought for years, thinking I know when the time is right they will sit me down and tell me the whole story how I was really Aunt Helen's daughter, that she was too young to take care of me, and had no husband, so Mom and Dad were to raise me as their child.I thought maybe on my 18th birthday they will tell me, my first marriage, the birth of my first child.the dates and days came and went ,desperate around my 50th birthday I confronted my Aunt and begged her to tell me she was my mom.
My Aunt felt bad that she couldn't tell me what I so wanted to hear. I cried and wondered, how I could have someone as a mother that was so unlike me. My world had to come to a reality I was not ready to face, she was not my mom. I think I cried as though it was a death, maybe it was a death to dream I carried for so long.